O
sons of men, how long will my honor become a reproach? How long will you love
what is worthless and aim at deception? Selah. But know that the LORD has set
apart the godly man for Himself; The LORD hears when I call to Him. Psalms
4:2-3
King David is probably one of the
best loved people in the bible. He
was well liked and popular with everyone, even God. He was a skilled musician, a poet, a might warrior and best
of all he was “a man after God’s own heart.” Yet all wasn’t perfect in his life. Where David failed most grievously,
however, was with his own family.
Seeds of failure were sown much
earlier in his family history. David’s
father, Jesse, didn’t consider David equal to the older brothers (I Samuel 16:4-11). They never learned to treat their younger brother with
respect. He didn’t grow up with a
good example of how to be a godly father and man. Although he developed a good, mature intimacy with God, it
doesn’t seem he ever accomplished this in his family relationships.
His life is characterized by a lack of emotional intimacy with others.
When David and Bathsheba’s baby
died (II Sam 12:16-18), David never allowed
his feelings of grief to surface, he stuffed his pain down and tried to ignore
it (II Sam 12:21-23). How would his grown children feel when
they learned about the adultery and murder? However they felt, there was no open ground for
communication. They had to follow
David’s example and bury their feelings.
David dealt with the sin between himself and God, but never between
himself and his family.
Family dysfunction often begins with an inability to handle emotions
and tends to become more extreme as time passes. Amnon, David’s oldest son, was sexually attracted to his
step-sister, Tamar (II Sam 13:1-2). He manipulated his father so he could
get in a position to rape his sister.
As could be expected, Tamar was devastated (13:18-19). Her brother Absalom saw her and
suspected what had happened (13:20a). Why hadn’t he done something to head it
off? Because in David’s family
problems were buried, emotions ignored, and everyone had to pretend everything
was all right. In fact, that’s how
Absalom responded to Tamar’s desolation.
Instead of giving her reassurance that justice would be done, he told
her, in effect, to not take this seriously because it is a family matter and we
must not make a big thing out of it (13:20b). When David heard about what happened he
was furious (13:21) but he didn’t take any
action to right things or even comfort Tamar. Everyone had to
pretend it never happened.
On the surface everything seems
smooth, but underneath a storm is raging.
David is furious, Tamar’s life is ruined, Amnon hates Tamar, and Absalom
hates Amnon. As in dysfunctional
families, these feelings do not lessen as time passes but grow stronger. After two years of denial Absalom moves
to end the stalemate. He
approaches David about getting the whole family together but David balks at the
suggestion. For some strange
reason he allowed Absalom to invite Amnon over, although he knew of the problem
between them (13:23-27). Direct
communication is difficult in dysfunctional families. Change
only occurs in crisis situations.
This was David’s last chance to resolve this issue in a mature, peaceful
way, but he again avoids the whole issue.
Thus Absalom, who has lost trust in and respect for his father, takes
the issue into his own hands and kills Amnon (13:28-29).
What a sad story. And yet, in many ways it is played out
in family after family as secrets and emotions are buried. Before we leave this story today it is
important to remember something...God still used David and his family in spite
of themselves. That’s the wonder
of our God.
Scripture to Claim:
'If they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of
their forefathers, in their unfaithfulness which they committed against Me, and
also in their acting with hostility against Me...then I will remember My
covenant with Jacob, and I will remember also My covenant with Isaac, and My
covenant with Abraham as well, and I will remember the land. Leviticus 26:40;42
