Before this faith
came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be
revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be
justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the
supervision of the law." -
Galatians 3: 23-25
Galatians 3: 23-25
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary definition of
legalism: Strict,
literal, or excessive conformity to the law or to a religious or moral code
(the institutionalized legalism that restricts free choice).
Let’s face it, that has no place in a
marriage or relationship of any kind!
Basically that is saying you have to conform to my ways and thoughts or
you are not right. You have no free
choice. You do not deserve an
opinion! The old saying if you love
someone, you will set them free is absolutely true. Not only will you set them free, you will do
everything in your power to help them soar.
In marriage and relationships, you complement each other. You may not always agree with each other, but
you respect the difference.
Unconditional
The love that God gives to us is
unconditional. That means there is
nothing we can do or say to earn His love. That is the kind of love He wants us to have
for one another. We should love those
closest to us without them having to meet our expectations. When legalism comes into a relationship, love
goes out and grace is nowhere to be found.
Grace and legalism cannot co-exist because legalism is the opposite of
grace. Legalism is not accepting people
the way they are. It is putting
conditions on our love and acceptance.
Usually, we do not enjoy being around people who put conditions on their
love for us. It can leave us feeling
constantly condemned and like we are always missing the mark. The relationship between husbands and wives
will suffer when one starts believing things like “If only he would do this or that better I’d be happy”… or “If only she would clean the house more
often we would get along better …” Legalism, with its work-for-acceptance basis,
works in contrast to the Gospel and its grace-through-faith reality.
The Real Deal
Legalism is easy. Being real is hard. You can’t fake real love,
humility, compassion, kindness and gentleness, because they can only come from God.
Living in the Spirit cannot be obtained
by those who rely on themselves (their good deeds) to be good enough for God because the Holy Spirit does all the work!
It is genuine...it cannot be faked.
When we live a life of legalism, our hearts
are not in it. It can produce an air of
self-righteousness which has no place in our relationships. It takes away authenticity. Everything we do is for ourselves. But when
we live in the Spirit of God, everything we do is for God and for His Kingdom.
Our love for our loved ones becomes real, not just a good deed in our
collection of good deeds to prove to God how good we are, and not a selfish action
toward them to earn the respect and love of those around us.
Selfish Love
Legalism causes us to be self-centered. It takes the
focus off of God and others and makes it all about us (which is what Satan
wants). The devil doesn’t want us to
feel God’s grace, to experience God’s grace, to live in God’s grace and he sure
doesn’t want us to pass it on! Satan
knows that once we experience God’s grace why would we want to live with that
horrible feeling of never measuring up, not living up to other’s expectations? The obvious choice is to live in joyful
freedom. There is nothing like being
able to be yourself and be free with the ones you love the most, without fear
of rejection or condemnation.
Scripture to claim:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love
does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not
seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [b]bears
all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7
