(submitted
by Kerry Patton)
"Let
all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you,
along with all malice. 32Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each
other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians
4:31-32
Life Is Relationships
I don’t know how I ventured so
deeply into life without ever hearing the statement: “Life is relationships”,
but I was immediately impacted by the truth of those words when I finally heard
them. I have found them to be not only
true, but also enlightening into just about every aspect of life. Life is not money. It is not wealth, or fame. It is certainly not power, and it is not
about the accumulation of material possessions.
Life is about relationships with Almighty God, our Lord Jesus, the Holy
Spirit, our family, friends, and other human beings with whom we experience
this life.
With this truth in mind, I never
cease to be amazed at how so many people are working hard in their own world to
rid themselves of relationships. Oh,
perhaps they aren’t overtly trying to end the relationships of their lives, but
in actions and attitudes, they are actively doing so…and perhaps without
realizing it.
Graduates of Our Parent’s School
Frequently when I am addressing nearly-wed couples in counseling, I ask
them about their parent’s marriage. “Consider for a moment your parent’s
marriage. What qualities or patterns
from their relationship would you like to bring forward into your marriage?” The reactions are usually quite humorous, and
more than a little concerning.
Sometimes, I’ll get a reaction of positive qualities that parents have
exhibited before their children…but not usually. There is generally a display of mock horror
and uncomfortable laughter. Usually, the
answer to the question is: “Nothing!” Why?
Well, in many families, children have grown up seeing the daily
interaction between parents; the fussing and fighting, the disrespectful
replies and irritated responses that so many couples have woven into the fabric
of their marriage through the years. And
THESE are the very skills of loving and co-existing that children learn by
example, then grow up and put into action in their own marriages as adults. The disconcerting truth is: We are all
graduates of our parent’s school of communication and marital bliss. For many, this is a terrifying
revelation. Our children…are learning
how to treat other people…by watching how we treat people.
While this can be disconcerting,
it is also an opportunity for us to be very honest and transparent with our
children.
“You know kids, your mother and I realize that we have not
been showing you how a husband and a wife should communicate and love toward
each other. There are many things that
we learned wrong from our own parents.
We want to make sure you don’t learn them wrong from us! From now on, we want you to see how Mommies
and Daddies should treat one another…”
Or:
“Kids, I’ve come to the realization that I have a
problem…you may have already seen it yourselves. Sometimes, when I get frustrated or tired, I’m
just not very nice or pleasant to be around.
I don’t like this about myself.
And I don’t want you guys to think that is how God wants us to treat
others. So, I’m working and praying to
change my behavior. I’m hopeful that you
will come to see that change very soon!”
Candid confession and
determination to show our kids a better way are an excellent start to helping
them toward a future of healthy relationships themselves. And an excellent tack to take is to simply be
nice to one another.
Ephesians 4:29 encourages us: (ESV) “Let
no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for
building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Let’s commit
ourselves to speaking to one another in ways that are good for building each
other up. Putting aside criticism and
negativism.
Prayer
Almighty God, I pray in faith the prayer of King David from
Psalm 19:14 – “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable
in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” And let me ever work to honor
my mate, and be a Christ-like example for my children. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
