(Submitted
by Donnie O’Fallon)
My dear brothers, take
note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to
become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God
desires. James 1:19-20
Without exception, we all struggle with angry feelings at times, and
often those angry feelings do far more than their share of damage in our
relationships with wife, kids, siblings, co-workers, neighbors, and
friends. Some folks, once they’ve had
issues with someone, just sever their relationship with that person while
others are very cool toward that individual and their relationship is never
quite the same. Why? Because they make
no attempt to reconcile or deal with the fallout of their anger.
Then there are still others who do nothing to understand nor try to get
control of their anger and their life’s path is strewn with those who’ve been
hurt physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Proverbs 19:22 says:
“An angry man stirs up dissension and a hot tempered one
commits many sins.” Under
pressure, we’re all prone to ‘blow a fuse
or to burn the house down.’ Not good news.
Anger can come
from several sources. Consider the
following:
·
Often,
anger is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR (and
parents are frequently the teachers)
·
Anger
can come as a result of a deep HURT that wounds our hearts
·
It can
arise from UNMET NEEDS such as:
unconditional love not received, emotional rejection, etc.
·
This is
a big one: UNMET EXPECTATIONS which
create disappointment out of control.
·
Reacting
to a perceived Injustice or Unfairness causes some to react in what
they feel is righteous anger.
·
And
finally, INSECURITY, perhaps
born of a sense that you or your performance is not accepted.
I’m glad the
Bible reveals the personality flaws of the characters that are our heroes of
the faith, for I realize that because of God’s patience and grace for them,
there’s hope for me! For example:
·
King
Saul had great insecurity issues and
tried to kill David. This in turn
resulted in great anger from his son Jonathan (David’s best friend), and
brought about a rift in the relationship between Saul and Jonathan. See 1 Samuel 20:34
·
Cain
slew Able out of a fit of rage, because God accepted Able’s sacrifice over
Cain’s.
Unmet Expectations
·
Joseph’s
brothers felt a deep hurt and jealousy toward him feeling that their
parents cared more for him than for themselves.
As a result they acted out of anger and sold their younger brother into
slavery, dipped his coat of many colors in the blood of an animal, and told
their parents he’d been killed by a wild animal.
·
Moses
killed an Egyptian in his anger as he watched a Hebrew countryman being abused
by the Egyptian guard. Injustice or Unfairness
Do you see the pain and grief that each one caused in relationships?
People deal with
their anger in varying ways. Here are three
you may identify with:
·
Some SPEW
like Mount Saint Helen did in Washington State in the 1980’s. It was powerful, destructive, and out of control;
spewing volcanic ash into the atmosphere.
Hot lava ran down hills causing great destruction, fire, chaos, and even
death for many.
·
Others STUFF.
Anger can build within us until we just shut down and build walls;
becoming guarded and protected! We just
don’t want be hurt anymore.
·
Finally
there are the SLOW LEAKERS. These are the Passive/Aggressive
folks. They are afraid of
anger. They pout, are sarcastic, and
withdraw their affection as a way of punishing.
Cutting remarks are made because they hide their hurt.
Anger that is unprocessed and unreleased can turn into depression. Depression has been defined as anger turned
inward. Moreover, improperly dealing
with anger is dangerous because the moment we allow a situation to become
heated and out of control we move from the part of our brain that helps us
think logically and rationally and move over to the other side of the brain
where emotions completely take over.
Anger is
like the red light on the dash of your car, it’s a sign of a problem and not
the problem itself. It’s indicating the
real problem is under the hood. If
you’re continually losing your temper and hurting or straining relationships,
you really should prayerfully consider the following acrostic: A.B.C.D.E.
·
Acknowledge the anger: Own it, admit it, and accept the responsibility to
make it right!
·
Back track: Find the source or origin to the primary emotion and
discover what your part was.
·
Consider the cause. And remember,
the only person you can control is you.
·
Determine: How best to deal with every aspect as it relates to those
relationships affected.
·
Expect the Lord to assist you in this matter. He will if you will seek
Him!
Proverb 15:1 offers good counsel here: “A soft and
gentle answer turns away anger.”
