Tuesday, October 28, 2025
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Psalm 147:3
The Hard Work Of Real Forgiveness
This past Sunday Pastor Jim spoke on verse 12 of Matthew 6 - And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matthew 6:12; Mark
Forgiving is love’s toughest work and love’s biggest risk. It can be especially tricky when we are not ready to forgive, or someone has hurt us so badly we feel we cannot do it. Not forgiving someone who has wronged us or hurt us can lead to a life of agony and bitterness, not for them, but for us. Dealing with the hurt and anger you may feel deep inside is necessary in order for true forgiveness to happen.
Jesus expects forgiveness from his people. It is evidence of a relationship with Him and that his forgiveness is evident in our lives. The grace of God is evident in us when we forgive and that same grace will bring forgiveness to us when we need it in the future.
Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Ephesians 4:31-32
I have realized there are some people that I probably have not truly forgiven. I say it that way because I believe that maybe a lot of us think we have forgiven someone, or we want to believe we have, but really we have just tucked it away in a corner of our heart because we don’t want to face it. If we face it, we have to acknowledge it – the pain, the betrayal, the hurt. You cannot forgive something you don’t even acknowledge.
Christians are supposed to forgive – Jesus called us to forgive others as we have been forgiven, so I am a Christian –Of course I have forgiven them. Right? It is what I am supposed to do. We don’t have to talk about it – it is not even a thing.
I believed that it is an automatic response because I am a Christian. I automatically forgive you, no matter what, because I am a child of God, and I have been forgiven so much. I don’t need to think about it, and I don’t want to think about it. The truth is I don’t want to feel it. If I can go right from the shock of realizing what has actually happened, tuck it away quickly, and on to automatic false forgiveness, I don’t have to actually feel the pain of what has happened to me. This process of automatic forgiveness happens most often when the pain is so overwhelming that we can’t bear the thought of processing it – and we cannot on our own.
How can we ever face the magnitude of such great pain, acknowledge it to work through it, heal, and forgive? There is no way we can walk through such pain alone. There are counselors and therapists that are trained to help and sometimes we need a professional to help work through the deep hurt we carry. There are pastors and ministry leaders that can help us. The most important person to help us through our hurt is Jesus. No one loves us or cares about us more. He has been with us and seen everything we have been through. He binds our would and heals our hearts like no one can, and in a way we never thought possible again.
Are you carrying the weight of deep hurt and unforgiveness?
Perhaps you are carrying some deep hurt tucked way down in your heart?
Maybe you believe you have forgiven them, but you have not done the work of forgiveness?
The hard work of forgiveness is your work to do for you. It may involve the person that hurt you at some point because there is healing in offering forgiveness – even for someone who does not care or want it. Forgiveness is for you because the weight of unforgiveness will crush you and you don’t even realize it is happening.
Acknowledge the hurt. Say it out loud but you need to be prepared because this will affect you in a way you might not expect. It can be overwhelming to say out loud what hurt you. You can’t heal what you won’t face and naming what happened and how it affected you is a helpful step to release it.
With your open hands, release that pain to Jesus. Let him take it from you and carry it for you. It doesn’t mean you will never feel the pain again, but it means you have brought Jesus into your healing and trusted him to be with you.
You have just ripped a band aid off, but it is the beginning of healing and true forgiveness. The hard work of forgiveness is, well, hard, and it is a process. Lean into God’s bountiful grace and be kind and patient with yourself. He is with you and will give you what you need to make it through.
