Parents are often in attendance at workshops with pen and
paper in hand ready to hear what they need to do to their child to equip them
for success and safety. They are shocked
to find out presenters do not spend a great deal of time listing things to do
to the child, but to the parent.
Why? Because that is who the
parent has control over. The most effective training is based on this simple
principle:
80% of all behavior is modeled behavior.
I can change my child by changing me!
How do you handle anger, depression, rejection, weariness,
frustration, failure, financial setbacks, death, job loss or other life
issues? Do you turn immediately to
chemicals for relief of stress or pain?
These life realities are the times when we provide some of the most
important life lessons our children will ever learn. If these life crisis points cause us to
blame, become physically or verbally violent, insulting, or turn to chemicals
for relief, it may not be too surprising to see the same behaviors in our
children. Children are receptors and reflectors. Recognizing that, every parent becomes
painfully aware that some of the very attitudes and actions we don't like in
our children are the same that we don't like in ourselves.
Athletic stars are condemned when they fail to be proper
"role models" for children today.
The truth is, they are really not the important role models that teach
children how to handle life and its success or setbacks. They are heroes. Parents, teachers, neighbors, uncles and aunts,
grandparents, coaches and others who spend time with them daily are the real
"role models" for living.
These teach them how to handle life by example.
Watch a child's eyes when a parent is confronted with a
crisis point in life and the lesson is quickly driven home. They watch their parent – intently observing
their every action and emotion. This is
a "teachable moment" for certain.
The powerful lesson for parents in regard to the issue of
modeling is simple. Live what you want them to learn. Parents often wonder why children pick up
negative traits such as a "bad temper." They often do not realize that children
indiscriminately imitate what they see.
Parents may know that they model responsibility and other positive
behaviors but are unaware that they model some negative traits as well.
There is one person in the equation of parenting that you do
have power over and that is yourself. If
you do not desire for your child to be rude when angry, hold your tongue. If you want your child to set goals, share
yours. If you don't want your child
using chemicals to change their moods, bolster their courage, or kill their
pain, then don’t behave in that way yourself.
Children learn what we live.
Scripture to Claim
But prove yourselves doers
of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. James 1:22
