I
wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among
them, does not accept what we say. For this reason, if I come, I will call
attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words;
and not satisfied with this, he himself does not receive the brethren, either,
and he forbids those who desire to do
so and puts them out of
the church. Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. The one who
does good is of God; the one who does evil has not seen God. 3 John 1:9-11
This is the second part in a three part series from the Book of Third
John on Building Lasting Relationships.
As you may recall from last week, the book of Third John focuses on
three men. They form a natural outline for
Third John. Last week we looked at verses 1-8 where John spoke about Gaius on the
topic of Commendation. Now we turn our
attention in verses 9-11 and a man named
Diotrephes. The topic is Confrontation and Conflict. Even the best relationships experience
conflict from time to time. Knowing how
to deal with it is mandatory for lasting relationships.
How
to Respond to Conflict Introduction
Visitors at a zoo were amazed to
find a cage with a fox and four chickens inside and a sign hanging on the front
that read: “Peaceful Co-existence.” The
people were amazed at this and asked the zookeeper how a fox and chickens could
get along with each other. The zookeeper
said, “Oh it’s very easy to maintain this arrangement because all we have to do
is occasionally toss in a few more chickens.”
It is always more rewarding to SOLVE a conflict than to DISSOLVE a
relationship.
Before we look at three ways to
respond to and resolve the conflicts we experience in our relationships, let’s
look at Four Ways We Shouldn’t Respond
To Conflict.
- The
“My Way” Method
People who respond this way
usually think they are 100% right 100% of the time. They do whatever it takes to get their own
way. They have no interest in the
perspective of another. The only
objective they have is to get agreement with their viewpoint. There are times they may get their way only
because others just get tired of their stubbornness.
- The
“No Way” Method
These are the people who usually
back away from conflict and refuse to face it.
They do whatever it takes to avoid an argument. Avoiding conflict is merely refusing to deal
with life issues. It leads to more
serious problems as these differences go on unresolved. Many a simple misunderstanding left
un-clarified has led to major relationship problems.
That’s like the husband and wife
who had a really bad argument. The wife was
last seen crawling to her husband on her hands and knees. At the same time she was screaming. “Get out from under that bed you coward!”
- The
“Your Way” Method
This is when they just say, “have
it your way.” This is the kind of person
who always gives in to the other person.
They just roll over and play dead.
A favorite word for these people is “whatever.” The problem is they keep
stuffing their emotions inside until their bitterness swells within them like a
shaken can of coke. Then they explode
and spew!
- The
“Half Way” Method
This is where they try to
compromise. They win some of the time
and the other person wins some of the time. The problem is someone still loses. Right does not have a side. Win/lose needs to be win/win as we understand
one another better through dealing with conflict. This way might be better than
the other ways we have looked at, but it’s still not the best way to respond to
conflict.
Tomorrow, we
will look at some right ways to respond to conflict from III John.
Scripture to Claim:
Do
all things without grumbling or disputing;
Philippians 2:14
