I
wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them,
does not accept what we say. 3 John 1:9
For a conflict to occur, whether
large or small, impersonal or between groups, it will have the following
characteristics:
- At
least two parties have to
be involved.
- Some kind
of struggle or threat (real
or supposed) must exist.
- Some
interaction or interference
must exist.
- The
transaction may be emotional.
When conflict does arise, there
are some things we can do to lessen any possible damage and even turn the
conflict to a positive in the relationship.
Conflict is not bad; it is merely the status of a relationship.
I.
Focus
On All Involved and Not Just Yourself (vs 9)
John spoke of a man named
Diotrephes who loved to be first. One of
the main causes of continuing conflict in any relationship is selfishness. Paul clearly states the reason for Diotrephes’
rejection of their position on the issues but his desire for position in the
church. Such posturing is not uncommon
in the church or anywhere people are gathered.
The problem is that this confuses the situation when the conflict is not
about the issue but the persons involved.
Stephen Covey in The Seven
Habits of Highly Successful People gave good advice when he wrote, “Seek
first to understand and then to be understood.” Before people will listen to what you have to
say they want to be sure they have been heard.
Conflict is not resolved when both sides are only interested in being
right.
Paul said it this way in Philippians 2:3-5, “Don't just think about your own
affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing. Your attitude should be the kind that was
shown us by Jesus Christ.” (TLB)
Good conflict resolution will
improve relationships and benefit both parties. The strongest relationships are those where
conflict has developed a deeper personal understanding and respect for one
another. Paul advises the Philippians to
think "we," rather than "I versus you.” It is also true that working together where
there is conflict can bring about a better solution than either individual
could offer alone.
It’s important to keep in mind
the long-term relationship. Dissolving a
relationship over a single issue is unnecessary foolishness. In the middle of an argument we are usually
preoccupied with thinking about ourselves.
But if we could only take a moment to think about and focus on the other
person involved and the priority of putting Jesus first, then the conflict
would be resolved.
Diotrephes’ selfishness precluded
any meaningful dialogue and Paul called his hand on it. Because of Jesus we
have the ability to think and relate to others in a different way. That’s because He has given us the ability to
focus on others and not self and to demonstrate love and forgiveness. SO, lesson one from III John on conflict is
to focus on the issue and not on yourself.
I think we can do that if we let Jesus guide our thoughts and words.
Scripture to Claim:
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind
regard one another as more important than yourselves; Philippians 2:3
